Fandom

Van Helsinki Wiki

Fay (scene)

218pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Comments0 Share

This page is about the scene. For other uses of Fay, see here.

CharactersEdit

SynopsisEdit

The scene opens with Fay (the mysterious woman) sitting at the picnic table. Van approaches and gives her the pickles she asked for, which she then proceeds to spread on her sandwich. Fay tells Van to go home, but he refuses. After Van quizzes her about what she knows about Geoff, and she stabs the picture of him with her spreading knife, the two pull guns on each other. They instigate a traditional 'western-style' duel, and shoot each others bullets out of the air. The scene then switches to the Inspector and Ford watching the proceedings. A short shot of Svetlana waking up covered in blood, still in the pantry, is shown. The scene then cuts back to Fay and Van tooling up with weapons. Van enquires as to Fay's name, and she tells him she is Fay Løren and that Geoff Vampire killed her father. The two swear a pact that Van can kill Geoff if Fay gets to make him suffer. We then see Geoff inside the house, using Jim as a footrest and drinking Man's blood. Svetlana is meanwhile making a tower of tins, but it falls over. However, this opens the door to the pantry. Hearing the noise, Geoff goes down to investigate, but Svetlana hides behind a curtain. Geoff discovers she has escaped, and swoops off irritatedly. Svetlana, still hiding, notices some swords on a rack behind her. She quietly approaches them...

ScriptEdit

EXT. PICNICKING AREA - DAY

The roll of thunder can be heard. Wide shot. FAY is already sitting at the table as VAN HELSINKI enters.



FAY

Did you bring it?



VAN HELSINKI

Yeah.



VAN HELSINKI throws the sandwich pickle to FAY who catches it.



VAN HELSINKI

What's it for?


FAY

My sandwich, take a seat.


FAY pulls out a sandwich from under the table and starts to apply the pickle. VAN HELSINKI watches her then sits down slowly.


FAY

I never thought I’d see someone like you here. I take it you're here about what happened last night.



VAN HELSINKI

I don't know, what happened last night?


FAY smiles slightly, gives a "hmph" of acknowledgement and continues to pickle her sandwich. VAN HELSINKI pulls out the picture of GEOFF VAMPIRE and slides it across the table.


VAN HELSINKI

You seen this man?


FAY looks briefly at the picture.


FAY

No.


VAN HELSINKI

You ever heard of a man named Geoff?


The name obviously sparks some recognition in FAY. She stabs the picture with her knife, and looks at it.


FAY

Geoff who?


VAN HELSINKI

Geoff Vampire.


FAY

What is he? A vampire?


VAN HELSINKI

Yeah.


FAY

Isn't that a bit obvious?



VAN HELSINKI

Perhaps.



There is a pause. VAN HELSINKI slowly reaches for his gun. FAY is seemingly oblivious to this.



FAY

You shouldn't have come here. Things are bad enough as it is, and you're trouble I can tell. This ain’t like the city, I told that to the last guy who came here.



VAN HELSINKI

Well I’m not him am I? And I don’t need your help.



FAY

Who said I’m offering you my help?



VAN HELSINKI

No one.



FAY

Exactly. Now, I know what you need, but…



VAN HELSINKI

But?



FAY

I ain’t gonna tell you. However, I’ll give you this for nothing. Turn around. Turn around and start walking. Don’t stop until your back in comfortable little home, then when you’re lying in bed looking at the ruin your life has become, you’ll realise that you made the right decision.



VAN HELSINKI

Well I hate to disappoint but as I said some of us have a job to do.



The two pause staring at each other. They both pull guns on each other. More Morrcicone style music starts. They stand up and walk out into the street. FAY holds up her gun, VAN HELSINKI follows suit. They holster them at the same time.



FAY

Twenty?




VAN HELSINKI

Metres?




FAY

Paces



VAN HELSINKI

(Looking quizzical) Imperial.



Fay

No, metric.



VAN HELSINKI nods, they turn and start to walk I opposite directions down the street. The street becomes a desolate field of knee length grass. They finish pacing and turn; stand off moment. They both fire and shoot each other's bullets out of the air. The field returns to the street as the bullets fall to the ground. FAY smiles.


EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY


INSPECTOR SOMEONE-WHO-IS-NOT-DAVID-BOWIE

How's it going in there?



PROFESSOR FORD puts some binoculars to her eyes.



PROFESSOR FORD

Well, he seems to have got himself into a standoff with a mysterious girl who may be help, or merely just another femme fatale.




INSPECTOR SOMEONE-WHO-IS-NOT-DAVID-BOWIE

Ah, the usual then, good good. Garibaldi?



PROFESSOR FORD

Oh, cheers.




INT. PANTRY - NIGHT



SVETLANA wakes up. Covered in more blood than before. She stands up.



SVETLANA

Oh tits, not again.



EXT. SMALL LANE - DAY



Brief establishing ‘‘Tooling-Up’’ montage. VAN HELSINKI and FAY are both kneeling down preparing themselves for an assault of some sort. Loading and storing weapons, tying up boots etc.



VAN HELSINKI

So I take it your not from round here.



FAY

What makes you say that?



VAN HELSINKI

No one round here takes sandwich pickle. That and the fact you're a damn good shot.


FAY

Thank you.


VAN HELSINKI

You still haven't told me who you are. I mean, I take it we’re at least pretending to trust each other now.



FAY

My name is Fay. Fay Løren. Geoff Vampire killed my father, now he must die.



VAN HELSINKI looks surprised then regains composure.



VAN HELSINKI

Makes sense.



FAY

Oh, you may want this.



FAY pulls out a stake.



VAN HELSINKI

Don't worry, I come prepared.


VAN HELSINKI

(Standing Up)

Just remember, whatever happens in there Geoff Vampire is mine. I have a score to settle with that bastard.


FAY

So do I. What gives you the right to take him down yourself? I have just as much right.


VAN HELSINKI

No you don’t. You see, me and him, we go way back.


FAY

Tell you what, you may kill him all you want, kill him to the cows come home for all I care. In fact you may even kill him until he’s dead. But on one condition. I get to make him suffer. He must pay for what he did. Do we have an accord?


FAY extends a hand to VAN HELSINKI, they then shake hands.




FAY

Well then, let's fuck this bitch.




VAN HELSINKI nods in agreement then they head off speedily and with purpose.




INT. DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT



Light classical music is playing. GEOFF VAMPIRE is sitting on the sofa eating some tomato soup and reading a newspaper. The camera zooms out revealing that he is resting his feet on JIM. JIM appears to be in some kind of trance. GEOFF VAMPIRE picks up the soup can and looks at it. The label reads ‘‘0% Blood’’. GEOFF VAMPIRE looks exasperated; he pauses

and clicks his fingers.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Man, where are you man? Get here this instant.



MAN enters seemingly in a trance.



MAN

Yes sir.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

I think there's a fly in my soup would you mind checking for me.


MAN

Certainly sir.


MAN walks over and bends down to look at the soup. GEOFF Vampire lifts up a plaster on MAN'S neck and sucks up some of his blood with a straw. He then takes the straw out, replaces the plaster and sits up again. MAN stands up.



MAN

I'm afraid there was no fly sir, you must have been mistaken.


GEOFF VAMPIRE

Oh well, no matter.


GEOFF VAMPIRE chuckles to himself as MAN exits to the room.


INT. PANTRY - NIGHT


SVETLANA is finishing arranging a pyramid of tins. She stops.


SVETLANA

Damn, two tins short.


SVETLANA gets up and leaves the pantry. She goes up to the kitchen passing MAN on the way; he is now holding some frozen peas to his neck. When she gets to the kitchen she gets two tins out of the cupboards and heads back downstairs. On the last step she trips and drops a tin. The tin rolls down the corridor and into the pyramid and knocks down her pyramid. There is a large crash.


INT. DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT


GEOFF VAMPIRE hears the large crash and stands up starting to head out of the room.


INT. PANTRY CORRIDOR - NIGHT


SVETLANA runs back to the Pantry but the door swings shut locking her out. She panics looking for somewhere to hide.


INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT


GEOFF VAMPPIRE picks up a set of keys and heads down the stairs to PANTRY CORRIDOR.


INT. PANTRY CORRIDOR - NIGHT


SVETLANA is looking for somewhere to hide as GEOFF VAMPIRE'S feet can be seen descending the stairs. She hurriedly dives behind a tapestry. GEOFF VAMPIRE walks by down the corridor and unlocks the pantry door. SVETLANA is not there.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Oh balls.



GEOFF VAMPIRE looks annoyed and swoops off past the tapestry. Behind SVETLANA is seen looking relieved. Her eyes then widens, the camera then moves round revealing a long corridor with a set of swords on a stand at the end. SVETLANA is encapsulated and walks slowly towards them. Heavenly music is playing, there is also now a light breeze in the room.

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.