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CharactersEdit

SynopsisEdit

Svetlana suddenly bursts into the lair. She throws a sword and stops the countdown, then threatens Geoff. He refsues to back down and stop his plan, and sics his pawns on her. She then preceeds to beat the living shit out of them all. Eventually, only Svetlana is left, and she demands Geoff yield. Geoff takes another option and 'poofs', leaving Svetlana to break the control panel and free everybody from the brainwashing. Van Helsinki and Fay run off to find Geoff, Man and Jim skip out together, and Svetlana is left rather alone in the empty room.

ScriptEdit

The countdown continues. As the countdown reaches 2 the doors to the shed burst open and SVETLANA enters in a blinding wash of light. She is now armed to the teeth with swords etc and a 'rambo-esque' headband. The countdown reaches 1. She quickly takes a sword and throws it at the countdown mechanism stopping it on one. Everyone stops what they were doing and looks at SVETLANA.



SVETLANA

Right. I've had enough! This has all gone to far now! I only wanted somewhere dry to stay for the night and now look what has happened. Hmmm, I mean aliens, really? Come on! That's just shoddy script writing.



MAN

Actually I think it was a Rocky Horror Picture Show reference.



SVETLANA

Quiet you.



MAN

Sorry.



SVETLANA

It's all gone too far, I've had enough. Stop now or you will incur my displeasure.



MAN, JIM, FAY, WOMAN and VAN HELSINKI start to trudge off past SVETLANA; GEOFF VAMPIRE stays where he is defiantly.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

No.



All the others stop.



SVETLANA

What did you say?



GEOFF VAMPIRE

No.



SVETLANA

Go on.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Well, it's just that I have my intergalactic Machiavellian scheme to complete, whilst Van Helsinki and Fay try to stop me, Jim and Man I'm sure also have things to do and I'm also expecting that Woman, Creepy Man, Professor Ford and Inspector Someone-Who-Is-Not-David-Bowie will also all make a return at some point. So if it's all right with you I think we'll just carry right on.



SVETLANA

I won't allow it. Stop now, and that is an order.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Look now I don't mean to be rude or anything, but why should I listen to you?



SVETLANA

Well, there is this.



SVETLANA impressively reveals the sword.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Oh, and how would you know how to use such a thing?



There is a brief training-esque montage of SVETLANA including shots of running over mountains, practicing swordplay etc.



SVETLANA

Oh believe me, I know. And now I'm giving you one final warning. Stop now.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

(Threateningly)

Make me.



SVETLANA takes a step back from GEOFF VAMPIRE into a circle of the others who are now armed with various shed items such as spades, hoes, rakes, scythes etc.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Boys...



FAY

(Interjecting)

I'm a girl.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

(Continuing)

...And Fay. Get her!




A completely kick-ass sword fight breaks out to sweeping

epic music. GEOFF VAMPIRE watches, cheering from the side. The fight includes things such as people falling through cardboard boxes, SVETLANA’S sword being on fire etc. The fight finishes with SVETLANA standing in the middle of a circle of the others who are lying on the floor. She is pointing a sword at GEOFF VAMPIRE.



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Impressive. Most impressive.



SVETLANA

Well? Do you yield?



GEOFF VAMPIRE

Rub a dub dub.




GEOFF VAMPIRE promptly vanishes in a puff of smoke. SVETLANA swings her sword into the control panel in frustration. There is a powering down sort of noise. VAN HELSINKI, FAY, MAN, WOMAN and JIM stand up behind SVETLANA.



VAN HELSINKI

(Surprised) Oh, we're back. (To SVETLANA) Cheers.



FAY

Are we back after Geoff then?



VAN HELSINKI

Hell yeah!



FAY and VAN HELSINKI leave hurriedly.



MAN

I think we'll be off too actually.



JIM

Things to do, people to see, that sort of thing.



JIM and MAN exit holding hands then skipping off. SVETLANA stands there looking bemused and slightly embarrassed.



EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY



PROFESSOR FORD

(Removing binoculars from her eyes)

Well that was certainly an interesting turn of events.



INSPECTOR SOMEONE-WHO-IS-NOT-DAVID-BOWIE

Indeed.

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