Van Helsinki carries more weapons in this film than any other character. In all he wields eight separate guns, though he only fires four of them.
- M1911 - Van's seeming main weapon. Worn in the back of his trousers while he sleeps, then carried in his holster for the rest of the film. This is the first and last weapon Van wields. It is used to kill Fay, and also inefficiently against Geoff. This M1911 appears to have been loaded with .45 ACP rounds, as it carries 8 rounds, 7 and one in the chamber. Interestingly, it seems to fire double-action, not single action like most 1911's.
- Norty Nigel - Probably Van's secondary weapon. Seen leaning on his bed when he awakens, then retrieved from his car boot. Van carries it on his shoulder until the shootout, where he removes it, then replaces it after. Van also uses it to shoot Jim, and then shoot at Geoff. He abandons it on the sill of the House window when he goes upstairs. This is the only named gun in Van Helsinki.
- M9 - Van has two of these guns. Both are seen tucked into the back of his dressing gown in his room. They then reappear in his car boot, where he deposits them into pockets. Neither M9 is used by Van again, though Man and Jim both use similar weapons later in the film.
- P99 - Van owns one P99, which he is seen checking the loadout of while talking to Ford when he loads up. This P99 is never seen again, though Fay appears to have one exactly the same, including the strange 'flip-up ammo checker' used by Van.
- Uberti revolver - Van is seen with an Uberti revolver while he muses about his and Geoff's past at the village crossroads. He spins the cylinder on the top-break weapon while walking, and uses it to shoot down two tumbleweed which attack him. Van throws the gun down on the grass when he enters the phone box, but appears to pick it up off-screen later. The gun reappears while Van is clearing the upstaris of the House, where it is dual-wielded along with the Beretta 92 variant. Van drops the gun to light a match when the lights go out, and never picks it up again, as he is knocked unconscious before he can.
- Beretta Raffica - Van owns one of these Beretta guns. He does not load it up when he collects his weapons from the car, and thus presumably carries it in his coat at all times. Van points the weapon at Fay under the picnic table when the two square off, but ultimately chooses to use the Beretta 92 instead. The Raffica is left on the seat, and appears to have been given to Fay afterwards, as she uses it for the rest of the film.
- Beretta 92 variant - This is the fourth Beretta gun Van carries. It is a Beretta 92 of some kind with an extended barrel attachment. Like the Raffica, it is not loaded, but Van draws it against Fay. He uses it in the duel between the two, firing one shot. Van later draws the weapon to clear the upstairs of the house, dual-wielding it with his Uberti revolver. He drops the Beretta when the lights switch off, and it is left behind when he is captured.
- Stake - Van has at least two stakes in his possession. He uses one to try and stake Geoff, but is disarmed. Later, Van finally stakes Geoff with the other. Both are used in a downward-facing grip, like a stabbing knife.
- Spade - This is Van's weapon when he is brainwashed by Geoff Vampire. It is used in a swinging motion, as a brawler's weapon.
Van Helsinki seems to favour 'spam fire' and suppression over precison shooting, though his duel with Fay shows he can also fire accurately. He has little real grasp of gun safety, using his pockets in lieu of holsters and sleeping with a presumably loaded M1911 shoved down his trousers. Van is, however, deadly with his weapons, as shown when he shoots down a tumbleweed with one bullet and shoots Fay's cartridge out of the air one handedly. He also discards weapons very readily, and either cannot be bothered to reload or does not carry extra rounds for his weapons. Van also seems to use unorthodox gun draws, both when he draws the Beretta on Fay, and when he draws the 1911 on Geoff.
Despite the large number of guns carried, Van only has one holster, a right-side shoulder holster. Interestingly, this appears to have originally been a hip holster that he is wearing as a shoulder holster. Van draws the M1911 from the holster twice (and places it back in three times), once with his right hand, and once with his left. Van also carries his 1911 in the small of his back, down his trousers, while he sleeps.